Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Coming Out of the Fog

I feel so much better today. I made it to Zumba today - it is sooooo much better than trying to do a tape. I just don't feel motivated or work nearly as hard when I'm trying to do a tape all on my own. My eating still wasn't great yesterday - I told Brock to take the Halloween candy out of the house. It is a trigger for me & I just can't have it in the house. We tried putting it on the top shelf of the pantry, so I would have to get a stool to get to it, but it didn't stop me from grabbing a couple of pieces every few hours. Halloween candy is so bad for me because the pieces are small & don't seem like much, but reality is that if you eat 3-5 then you just had a full size candy bar.

I don't know that I've addressed this on the blog any so far, but I might as well come clean & tell it like it is. After all, that's why I started this blog - to be honest in my journey to becoming healthy. I have an addiction - to food. For those who have never suffered from this, you will not understand what I'm telling you. My husband, bless his heart, tries to understand - but will admit to me that he just can't imagine what it must be like. He does, however, agree totally that it is something that is chemical with me & I cannot control the addiction. What I can control is, putting myself in situations that I know trigger binges. This is something that I've struggled with since high school. I actually went through a really bad time with it around my junior year & bought & hid food & when my parents, who were into country-western dancing at the time, would leave to go out on a Friday night - I would choose to stay home rather than going out with friends & binge. After the binge, I always felt ashamed & proceeded out to the big outside garbage can with any "evidence" of it & disposed of it carefully so that no one would notice when they took out other trash. There are certain foods that are considered "bad" that I can have around me & have no problem, but others are just off limits. Halloween or small individually wrapped candies are one of my triggers, along with mini powdered donuts, brownies, & cheese bread. These are just a few of the major problem-causers for me. Well anyway, the candy is out of the house & I'm starting to come out of the fog.

On a good note, I was down 1.5 lbs on the local challenge today (my weight was up a little when I weighed last week due to water). I am down 1/2 lb today compared to yesterday's steady hold - I won't officially count anything till next week since I'm such a fluctuater. Thanks to all of you who read this & support me daily. I truly appreciate you!! Have a great day!!


Amy S. said...

Woo Hoo for the 1.5 lbs, way to go. That is awesome for a week. I hope you know what a great accomplishment that is. A food addiction is so hard, but if you keep working day in and day out, it will get easier. It won't seem that much easier, but truthfully the choices will become more natural. You are off to such a great start, keep those priorities right where they are!

Tricia Jamison said...

oh, andrea, i completely understand! i, too, have often found myself, for years, being glad that i often run errands by myself so i can buy something "unhealthy" and scarf it down. of course, there is nothing wrong with eating a food item, even when alone, but when i find myself thinking "make sure i throw away the wrapper so no one sees it".....that's a sure sign it's not the healthiest attitude in the world! i applaud you for getting the candy out of the house.....i too often fall into the "oh well, i'll just scarf it down so it will be gone sooner" tactic. that? not a great idea either :) good luck with zumba, and take care of the knee!